Richard Lipski/AP
With the help of Cam Newton, a pattern in Washington tells us who the next leader of America will be.
To all my family and friends in Breezy Point, I hope you?ll get a laugh or two here?today. Thoughts and prayers are with you all during this horrific time. Words cannot describe. So until we all meet again at the ?Sugar Bowl? to talk football in the not-too-distant future, stay strong. And laugh when you can.
MEET THE NEW BOSS
Gallup polls? Rasmussen polls? Who needs them? The Carolina Panthers have already taken all the suspense out of the presidential race. And your winner is?
Mitt Romney.
You see, since the Redskins started playing in Washington D.C. in 1937, after relocating from Boston, the outcome of their final home game before a presidential election has been an uncanny indicator of who will win the election. Before yesterday, the last nine times the Redskins won their final home game prior to the election, the incumbent party won the election. The last nine times they lost at home, eight times the incumbent lost (George Bush won in 2004 after a Skins loss to Green Bay). So prior to yesterday?s game you had to figure the Obama camp was feeling pretty good about itself as the Panthers came to town toting a five-game losing streak, including the last four by a combined 12 points. But Cam Newton threw for one score, ran for another and before Obama could say, ?You didn?t build that,? the Panthers had built 21-6?fourth quarter lead. Washington did cut it to a touchdown with?1:34?to play, but when Carolina recovered the onside kick, the Romney camp was popping champagne and Mitt went to work on his acceptance speech. Or so we heard.
The Redskin Rule, as it has become known, has a 94.8% accuracy rate. So, meet the new boss. Thanks to Cam and the Panthers.
GET?A LAWYER
A man in China sued his wife for giving birth to a really ugly baby ? and he won!
The unidentified Chinese dad won a $120,000 judgment against his wife for giving birth to a baby that Daddy Dearest dubbed ?horrifyingly? ugly. Now if this cretin can cash in on an ugly baby, exactly what kind of payouts do you think await litigious-minded Browns? fans who have been forced to pay to watch horrifyingly ugly football since a couple of ancient Chinese architects got together and said, ?Hey, why don?t we build a Great Wall to keep the invaders out?? (OK, it just seems that long).
There seems to be no end to Browns fan?s misery and it continued?Sunday?against the Ravens. Five times the Browns pop-gun offense found itself inside the Ravens 20-yard line and five times the Browns pop-gun offense couldn?t find the end zone. Five times Phil Dawson was called on to kick a field goal and five times he nailed it. Such is life when you?re offense is ranked 29th?overall and you?re one Phil Dawson leg cramp away from having no offense at all.
The Browns are now 2-7?after their 10th?straight loss to the Ravens and are on their way to yet another losing season. In fact, the Brownies have had just two winning seasons (2002 and 2007) since rejoining the league in 1999 with just one playoff appearance.
The good news? The Browns are on their bye next week ? which would present the perfect opportunity for Browns fans to contact their lawyers.
ORANGE AND BLACK?AND BLUE
I was sure this was going to be the year. The year BengalsNation (sadly were down to six warm bodies at last count) could rejoice in its first ever victory over Peyton Manning. A win that would not only get that colossal monkey off our Orange and Black backs, but would also end our three-game losing streak and catapult us back into the AFC playoff race. And it all looked so promising when Andy Dalton led us to 17 straight second-half points to put us up by three in the fourth quarter and it was off to the kitchen to mix the celebratory cocktails of Southern Comfort and Guinness. (Something orange and black). But before we could even take our first sip, Manning has thrown a pair of TDs, we?re down 11 with 3:36 to play and well, now we?ve just scheduled more drinking time. Like until?Tuesday.
We?re now 3-5?with the Giants on deck and 0-8?lifetime vs. Peyton. Criminy. We in BengalsNation like to refer to our?Sunday?afternoons as ?Bengals Time.? Lately though, it?s more like ?doing time? ? without the guard towers and barbed wire.
LOTS OF ?LUCK?
There may be no better story this season than the Colts. Playing without their ailing coach Chuck Pagano, who is battling leukemia, Indy got an NFL rookie-record 433 passing yards and two TDs from Andrew Luck as the Colts knocked off Miami to go?to 5-3. After the game Pagano addressed the team and said, in part, ?The vision that I?m living (is) to see two more daughters get married, dance at their weddings and hoist that Lombardi (trophy) several times.?
If you?re not rooting for the Colts at least a little this year, you don?t have a heart.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
?You lose a game like that, now you?re playing to see who obviously is going to be on your football team for years to come. I?ll get a chance to evaluate players and see where we?re at.?
Redskins coach Mike Shanahan after Washington fell?to 3-6?in a home loss to Carolina after committing 13 penalties for 97 yards.
BAD BET
Only 8:48 stand between the Browns and a win. Not just a cover, but an actual win. So up, 15-14, and getting 3 ?? We are positively giddy. Of course in that final 8:48 Baltimore scores 11 straight points on its next two possessions and the Browns make damn sure our grandiose dreams die a quick death in a 25-15 loss.
Source: http://feeds.nydailynews.com/~r/nydnrss/sports/~3/KWi_RnMw_oA/story01.htm
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